Cringe-fest 2020

This is my first time posting fiction to this blog – whilst admittedly drawing heavily from life – and it’s entirely thanks to Kate Lessons, who challenged me to bury some deeply unsexy words (full list here) in a functional piece of erotica. The stipulations were to use at least two, but I used all twenty because, as you must be aware by now, I’m a masochist. I was also wilfully over-literal with the last one, just for shits and gigs.

Side note: you’ve no idea how hard it was to keep this to 1000 words.



‘Ready for your punishments?’

Lexi inhaled sharply. That plural filled her with trepidation. Nevertheless, she nodded.

‘Good!’ beamed Eva, squeezing lube into her palm.

Gently ordering her sub onto the bed, she set to work, spreading the glistening gel over her skin.

Lexi winced as Eva reached her buttocks, still the colour of ripe plums since her last punishment. Eva took an indecent amount of time ensuring they were well-coated.

Next, a catsuit shimmied up to her neck, ostentatiously exposing her pale breasts through strategic holes and reducing her hands to useless rubber baps. She pawed at herself impotently, causing Eva to chuckle. Her slut knew so well how to please her.

Then another layer of security: a leather muff enveloping Lexi’s now formless hands, keeping them firmly stashed away.

Eva kneaded her captive’s bulge teasingly, and stole a kiss. Lexi moaned through sealed lips, but her owner simply laughed, sliding down the length of her body, tickling her nipples with titian tresses as she did so.

With a loud zip, Lexi’s girldick was freed, and she felt the insistent nudge of a buttplug aching to fill her hole. She exhaled slowly, granting access as she’d been trained to, and the toy gratefully slipped inside.

It stretched her, but not uncomfortably. Then Eva reappeared at her side, an ominous bulb dangling between the claret nails of her thumb and forefinger.

‘I think one pump to start, don’t you?’

Lexi’s eyes widened, but she nodded her assent with barely a whimper.

Eva pinched the bulb and air rushed into Lexi’s anal intruder. She squeaked as the pressure became unbearable, and Eva giggled, pumping it twice more and causing Lexi to writhe and creak in her cocoon.

Placing the pump on her doll’s glossy tummy, Eva moved to the next accessory: a sleepsack with helpfully-placed flaps at the nipples and crotch, followed by a wooden slat, which she lashed to her squirming slave before rolling her over and planting a ballgag between her lips.

The sack was well-padded and Lexi couldn’t feel the plank beneath her, but it kept her as rigid as the gag did speechless. Nonetheless, she tested her bonds, twitching impotently against the unyielding splint. She knew her owner liked a show.

Eva let out a raucous laugh.

‘My my, seems I have a stiffy,’ she said, stroking her plaything’s face before moving southwards.

‘Such perky titties,’ she pouted, flicking the soft mounds and eliciting yet more squeals. Forced through two layers of constricting material they were certainly taut, and ripe for punishment.

It came in the shape of two silver clamps, twinkling evilly in the lamplight.

‘Here are the booby traps,’ she taunted.

‘And here…’ she grasped one of Lexi’s nipples, ‘…are the boobies!’

Lexi wailed through her gag and jerked violently to diffuse the pain. Eva just smirked as the second clamp joined its fellow, then the pièce de résistance: an innocent-looking box, wired to the unfeeling clips currently crushing Lexi’s norks.

With the turn of a knob an electric discharge swept through her chest, massaging it from the inside. The sensation was not unpleasant, but as Eva turned the dial higher, a moan escaped Lexi’s lips, accompanied by a river of drool.

‘Too cute,’ smiled Eva, kneeling over Lexi so her minge was millimetres from her face, before smothering her nose and mouth and starving her of air.

Eva stared down at the frustrated slavegirl, trying to lick around her gag, nose running with exertion.

‘Is this what they mean by ‘bumping uglies’?’ sneered Eva, spitting a wad of saliva squarely between her whore’s unfocused eyes, ‘because you look like shit, babe.’

She laughed again, tilting her pelvis and planting her pucker over her pet’s muzzle.

Before she could react, a suffocating stench saturated her senses.

‘Suck it, fart slave,’ said Eva matter-of-factly.

Lexi did so, inhaling deeply as the tears flowed.

Finally, Eva lifted herself off.

‘Got a wet one coming, but I know you don’t like splosh, sooo…’

Lexi grinned her thanks, and Eva descended, kissing her distended lips.

‘I think you’ve earned a fucking.’

Lexi’s eyes lit up, but her relief was short-lived, as she felt the thoroughly-lubed tip of a steel sound being pressed to her glans.


Again, Lexi nodded, but her eyes were tinged with fear.

Eva smiled, and relinquished her grip, letting gravity do its work.

Lexi winced as the fat rod made its way into her dick, causing lube to pool around her peehole.

Eva watched breathlessly.

‘I just love length in a sound, don’t you?’

Lexi moaned, and as the metal lover came to rest, Eva worked it in and out, enjoying her puppet’s stertorous gasps.

‘Let’s give it a good reaming…’

Again, Lexi nodded, and Eva increased the pace until cum spurted from the stretched hole, and the merciless implement was finally withdrawn.

‘Looks like I’ve given you quite the wide-on,’ Eva laughed, pinching Lexi’s bulb and admiring its gape.

Lexi’s gasps turned to contented sighs, and Eva drew herself back to eye level.

‘That’s all your punishments, sweetie.’

Lexi beamed.

‘All but one.’

Lexi’s face fell. Eva rolled over and produced a latex isolation hood, with thick panels over the eyes and ears.

‘We’ve the whole weekend together, so let’s see how long you can last, shall we?’

She smiled at her slave, still bound up in its darlex coffin, proffering its new face with barely contained delight.

‘C’mon, you know you were just going to diddle that time away anyway.’

Lexi nodded mutely.

‘Attagirl,’ chuckled Eva.

Lexi shot a last, pleading look as the stifling material reached her temples, but Eva just cocked her head quizzically.

‘Don’t tell me you’re surprised,’ she said, ‘you knew I was a wildcard when you married me.’

With a final giggle she pulled the hood tight, robbing Lexi of her senses, and curled up beside her new bedwarmer, gently humping its padded form till she drifted off into a blissful slumber, feeling its chest rise and fall.

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